When I am feeling comparative and evaluative or mentally somewhere else, or I have a heavy right and wrong feel or my mind is busy or confusing, I can use cognitive diffusion techniques. One way to do that is to imagine the thought I’m struggling with as a National Enquirer headline. For example, “Woman Is Found Who Can’t Get Everything Done!” Or “Doctors Have Found a Woman Who Has the Power to Make Herself Sick by Doing Something’ Wrong’!” When I think like this, I am better able to see the thought as just a thought. It is no longer believable or distressing.

1. Do a life-size sculpture
2. Take a ride in a hot air balloon
3. Finish my book and have it published
4. Have my poetry published
5. Take a trip by myself to the local monastery and spend the weekend

Me: Well, this is the big day. I’m going to go right in there and ask her today.
Mother: You better bluff your way through it. Otherwise you’re not going to get it
Higher Self: You don’t have to act like anybody else. The real you deserve a raise. Start singing your song!

Me: Yes, I have many good qualities, which I’m sure she appreciates. All I have to do is ask.
Mother: Remember all those times you’ve been sick? Do you think she appreciates that?
Higher Self: You will always be successful. If this boss doesn’t appreciate your good qualities, and isn’t willing to overlook your imperfections, somebody will. If she says no, this may be a good time to think about a career change — – doing something you’ve always wanted to do.

Me: I hate asking anyone for anything.
Mother: You can’t depend on anyone else for anything. You have to be independent.
Higher Self: That is just a conditioned thought. We are all interdependent, and have one source. The universe is your source, just like it is everyone else’s. You’re not alone.

Me: I’m so nervous my palms are sweating.
Mother: There’s no reason for you to be so nervous! Besides, when you sweat you smell.
Higher Self: That are having the thought that you are nervous. There’s a big difference between being nervous and having the thought that you are nervous. Your palms may be sweating because of the temperature of the room, or maybe from excitement!

Me: Well, the worst she can do is say no.
Mother: If she says no, you will feel ashamed of yourself every time you think about your failure. You must succeed.
Higher Self: Being told no when you ask for something is just hearing a word. That’s a description of what would happen — – you would hear the word “no.” Attaching a feeling to hearing that word is an evaluation. You have been conditioned to think that the work no as a negative thing. No does not inherently mean failure.

Me: That’s an amusing way to think about it. I remember when I used to hang upside down from the sofa and look in the mirror and imagine that we walked on the ceiling. I could imagine in the same way that her saying no is an exciting, wonderful thing — – that it’s my walking papers to a boring job!
Mother: You can’t finish anything! You’re always just looking for an excuse to lay around and do nothing. You have to hang on to this job, or you’re going to wind up in the gutter! Quit being so silly!
Higher Self: Hey this is a good time for a diffusion technique! Imagine the headlines on the National Inquirer, “Scientists Have Finally Unearthed a Human Being That Can’t Finish Anything!” “Dr. Confused about Patient Who Won’t Get up.’ I think she is able to get up. She just won’t get up for anything. I went to the gutter to see her and she seems fine. But she won’t even open her eyes! She just lies there with a smile on her face!’”

“Hands”

If I could tell the world just one thing
It would be that we’re all OK
And not to worry ’cause worry is wasteful
And useless in times like these
I won’t be made useless
I won’t be idle with despair
I will gather myself around my faith
For light does the darkness most fear
My hands are small, I know
But they’re not yours, they are my own
But they’re not yours, they are my own
And I am never broken
Poverty stole your golden shoes
It didn’t steal your laughter
And heartache came to visit me
But I knew it wasn’t ever after
We’ll fight, not out of spite
For someone must stand up for what’s right
‘Cause where there’s a man who has no voice
There ours shall go singing
My hands are small I know
But they’re not yours, they are my own
But they’re not yours, they are my own
I am never broken
In the end only kindness matters
In the end only kindness matters
I will get down on my knees, and I will pray
I will get down on my knees, and I will pray
I will get down on my knees, and I will pray
My hands are small I know
But they’re not yours, they are my own
But they’re not yours, they are my own
And I am never broken
My hands are small I know
But they’re not yours, they are my own
But they’re not yours, they are my own
And I am never broken
We are never broken
We are God’s eyes
God’s hands
God’s mind
We are God’s eyes
God’s hands
God’s heart
We are God’s eyes
God’s hands
God’s eyes
We are God’s hands
We are God’s hands
By Jewel

If you have learned to walk

A little more sure-footedly than I,

Be patient with my stumbling then

And know that only as I do my best and try

May I attain the goal

For which we both are striving.

If through experience, your soul

Has gained heights which I

As yet in dim-lit vision see,

Hold out your hand and point the way,

Lest from its straightness I should stray,

And walk a mile with me.

From Apples of Gold, author unknown

This poem offers a potential conflict between two people, one fast and one slow, the faster one perhaps showing impatience. One has learned to walk, either physically or figuratively, more sure-footedly, and the other is stumbling, but they are both trying to get to the same place. The slower person is asking the faster person to help him or her by pointing the way and walking with him or her rather than racing ahead or showing impatience. This brings to mind a story I heard about a Special Olympics race in which one person fell and the others all went back to help. Rats help each other.  If one is unable to get food for itself, the other rats will bring it food.  People seem to usually be in a hurry — – there’s an arms race, a “rat” race, a race for the White House, who gets the best grades, who makes the most money, etc. what would happen instead of trying to get ahead, we all tried to help someone else keep up?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

• Between people, as among nations, respect of each other’s rights ensures the peace.  — – Benito Juarez
• We get into trouble when we assume that all people from any group behave in the same way or share the same beliefs. The catch is that it’s equally false — – and dangerous — – to assume that “people are people” and deep down we’re all alike as human being, regardless of our groups.
• In understanding other people, “begin first with the individual.”

                                                                                      From, “You and Your Perfect Right”

This was a good idea I got in response to my problem with being able to get a turn to talk: “What I discovered from all of this is that talking can be overrated. Everybody talks but how many people have you met who really listen? In my experience, when people are quiet for portions of a conversation, they are not genuinely listening, they are just waiting for their chance to speak. I have found when you really listen to others that eventually you do get your turn to answer.”Because I have heard this put in other ways before, and it was an easy idea to implement, I began to try it in every situation. I did not have a small group situation again, but I first implemented it in a classroom setting.  I examined my thoughts to see if I was really listening to other people or just waiting for my chance.  I realized I wasn’t really listening. So I sat with a class member at lunch time and just decided to listen.  He is a very interesting person, and it was much more relaxing when I wasn’t trying to think of what to say in response to what he said.  As I was told, I got my chance to talk.  There was a period of silence, where he seemed to decide he had talked enough and it was my turn.  Surprisingly enough, I didn’t really have a lot to say.

I implemented it in most conversations in the following week.  I still had a frustrating conversation or two on the phone, where I had trouble getting to respond, but I had much more rewarding face-to-face conversations.  It seems like, especially with people I’m close to, listening is very much appreciated!  It brought a new closeness to relationships and, surprisingly, I don’t think the world suffered from not getting to hear her me as much!

kell2127  My water bowl

A man and his dog were walking along a road. The man was enjoying the scenery, when it suddenly occurred to him that he was dead.

He remembered dying, and that the dog walking beside him had been dead for years. He wondered where the road was leading them.

 

After a while, they came to a high, white stone wall along one side of the road.. It looked like fine marble. At the top of a long hill, it was broken by a tall arch that glowed in the sunlight.

 

When he was standing before it he saw a magnificent gate in the arch that looked like mother-of-pearl, and the street that led to the gate looked like pure gold. He and the dog walked toward the gate, and as

he got closer, he saw a man at a desk to one side.

 

When he was close enough, he called out, “Excuse me, where are we?”

 

“This is Heaven, sir,” the man answered.

 

“Wow! Would you happen to have some water?” the man asked.

 

“Of course, sir. Come right in, and I’ll have some ice water brought right up.”

 

The man gestured, and the gate began to open.

 

“Can my friend,” gesturing toward his dog, “come in, too?” the traveler asked.

 

“I’m sorry, sir, but we don’t accept pets.”

 

The man thought a moment and then turned back toward the road and continued the way he had been going with his dog.

 

After another long walk, and at the top of another long hill, he came to a dirt road leading through a farm gate that looked as if it had never been closed. There was no fence.

 

As he approached the gate, he saw a man inside, leaning against a tree and reading a book.

 

“Excuse me!” he called to the man. “Do you have any water?”

 

“Yeah, sure, there’s a pump over there, come on in.”

 

“How about my friend here?” the traveler gestured to the dog.

 

“There should be a bowl by the pump.”

 

They went through the gate, and sure enough, there was an old-fashioned hand pump with a bowl beside it.

 

The traveler filled the water bowl and took a long drink himself, then he gave some to the dog.

 

When they were full, he and the dog walked back toward the man who was standing by the tree.

 

“What do you call this place?” the traveler asked.

 

“This is Heaven,” he answered.

 

“Well, that’s confusing,” the traveler said. “The man down the road said that was Heaven, too.”

 

“Oh, you mean the place with the gold street and pearly gates? Nope. That’s hell.”

 

“Doesn’t it make you mad for them to use your name like that?”

 

“No, we’re just happy that they screen out the folks who would leave their best friends behind.”

I used to feel this way when I had cats.  Now I feel the same when I take care of my rats–clean their cages, feed them a healthy diet, give them a treat, pick them up and carry them carefully–whenever they look at me so trustingly, when I “rescued” them.  I felt so great about myself when I decided to hook up a playpen and let them run free during the day (from cage to playpen). Sometimes I feel GUILTY when I wonder what they would do if they could make all their own choices.  What if I had set them free instead of bringing them home to keep indoors?  Realistically, they wouldn’t likely live as long, but what I’m doing for them doesn’t make me so great.  After all, I got them because I wanted pets.

• Allow some time alone to recharge after an intense social event
• Take an acting or improvisation class
• Ask people what they think about, or how they got interested in the subject at hand
• Before you go anywhere, think about what you have in common with the people attending the event
• Wear your name tag on the right-hand side
• When you have forgotten a name, say, “I remember you but please tell me your name.”
• Look for the most animated group of three to five people